Whether you like it or not, your marriage requires hard work by you taking the time to look at what needs to be addressed. For many couples, it’s really hard as they don’t know how to have that difficult conversation. This means each spouse must be intentional, if they want to have good communication, connection and intimacy in marriage. Intimacy emotionally not only physically. If you are married, it is critical that you make time for your spouse consistently to stay connected and draw closer to each other. What I often see in my counseling office is that many couples were married without preparing for the their marriage. That means they didn’t get the right relationship skills before saying “I Do”. Spouses entered into a life-time of marriage without learning and practicing the right communication skills.
First, when you are running into relational problems, don't wait too long, and make sure to get help. Research and do a thorough interview finding a good Marriage and Family Therapist. There are well trained experienced therapists out there, if you know how to find them. You can read my former blog under this link - Counseling Couch which tells you how to find a good therapist.
Don't suffer in silence. Your problems won't go away on their own. Time alone does not heal your relational and communication problems. They are serious and the longer you avoid your problems, the more difficult your path will be. Be proactive. It's better to check things out with a good psychotherapist and get the right help instead of continuing to suffer. There are qualified and effective therapists who have the right techniques to bring your marriage back to health. For examples, I use special and simple techniques in my counseling practice with couples and individuals to help them to address difficult issues. These couples make tremendous changes and grow closer to each other in their relationships. You too can do this, if you are committed and ready to do this.
Second, don't stop talking to each other. Keep talking about your feelings in a constructive way by sharing how you feel inside. When you share your feelings, please don't attack or blame your spouse. If you feel safe, share your honest feelings about how hurt or overwhelmed you are without blaming the other person. Discuss and invite your spouse to get help for both of you. If you don't feel safe in the relationship, then it's not a good idea to share your struggles emotionally. In this case, then you must get the right professional counseling help.
Third, when you are highly stressed make sure that you physically take care of yourself. Pay attention to how you live your life daily and pay attention to your choices. Stay as healthy as you can, for example eat well and right, limit watching television, make sure to get enough sleep, be physically active even it is walking regularly, and making sure you have a medical check up if you are feeling anxious and depressed etc.
Finally, make sure you are mindful of how you spend your time daily and weekly. Pay attention to your calendar. Let your yes be yes and your no, no. It is very important that you practice self-control and let others know how much time or energy you can spend with them. Set limits with others in order to stay healthy. If you do not, you will get burnt out and you won't spend your resources like your time, your energy and your money in appropriate ways. Do not say yes to meetings and people who might not be good for you to be with, when you are under a lot of pressure. Make sure you choose healthy people and couples to be around. Be careful and be selective with whom you share your problems with. Sometimes while your personal friends may care about you, they could give you bad advise and as a result you might make poor choices when you talk with you spouse. So use discernment when you talk to people about your marital problems.
You have to make time for yourself and your marriage. Overall make sure to make room taking care of your relationship in the midst of your busy life, as you are working and running errands and following through with other life demands. Don't ignore your reality and your problems. If your marriage is going through stagnation, it does not mean it's too late. Do not wait too long. Get the right help. You are not supposed to go through painful struggles alone. Choose the right types of people around you who are safe and able to show you grace, care for you and give you nutrients when hurting or healing.
You are welcome to meet with me and after a few sessions you can decide if this is the right counseling place for you. You can contact me by clicking on the upper hand side of this page or click on the following highlighted link requesting for an appointment. Wish you all the best.
Jousline Savra, LMFT