One of the questions therapists get during marriage counseling is if it’s natural to argue in a relationship. Well, if you have the same in mind, this article might just be what you need. It’s important to unravel how arguing is critical in the symphony of love and togetherness.
You see, each partner brings their perspectives, beliefs, and experiences that shape their understanding of the world. And since everybody is unique, these can sometimes bring forth arguments on whose belief is right or wrong.
However, Marriage and Family Therapist, Jousline Savra opines that your little arguments with your partner might be just what every relationship needs.
It is natural to argue in a relationship
It’s no secret that arguments are simply natural in relationships. Whether it’s a disagreement over small matters like what movie to watch or a clash of opinions on significant issues such as future plans, it is common for couples to engage in occasional arguments.
These heated exchanges often stem from the inherent differences in individuals’ perspectives, personalities, and life experiences.
In fact, arguments can be seen as a reflection of the unique dynamics within a relationship, where two distinct individuals navigate the intricate balance of love, compromise, and self-expression.
While arguments may evoke temporary tension, they also allow couples to express their emotions, assert their needs, and work towards a deeper understanding and resolution.
Why is it good to argue?
Here are a few reasons why you should embrace the art of arguing with your spouse:
It shows that you care
Engaging in arguments within a relationship demonstrates a level of emotional investment and care. When individuals are willing to express their thoughts, concerns, and frustrations through arguments, it signifies that they value the relationship enough to address the issues at hand.
Arguments often arise from a place of passion and genuine investment in the relationship’s well-being. It shows that both partners are actively involved and willing to invest the necessary effort to work through challenges and find resolutions.
It allows you to know your partner more
Individuals often express their true selves when disagreements arise, sharing their values, beliefs, and emotional triggers. Through these arguments, you can discover aspects of your partner’s character that may have been hidden or not fully explored.
By listening actively and seeking to understand their point of view, you can uncover new layers of their personality and better understand their needs and desires.
Arguments can also shed light on areas where you may have different approaches or preferences, fostering deeper awareness and promoting a more authentic connection between partners.
It strengthens a relationship
Contrary to popular belief, arguments can actually strengthen a relationship when approached with the right mindset and communication skills.
Arguments require active listening, empathy, and the willingness to find common ground. Through this process, couples can better understand each other’s perspectives, needs, and boundaries.
They learn to navigate differences and build a stronger foundation of trust and mutual respect by finding constructive solutions and compromises.
Furthermore, successfully resolving arguments can create a sense of accomplishment and reinforce the belief that a team can overcome challenges.
Arguing creates memories
While this may seem counterintuitive, arguments can create lasting memories within a relationship. These memories are not necessarily about the argument itself, but rather the lessons learned, the growth experienced, and the milestones achieved.
Think about it – when couples engage in arguments, they often navigate through challenging emotions and difficult conversations. These moments become part of the shared journey, representing opportunities for learning, understanding, and personal development.
Over time, reflecting on these past arguments can serve as a reminder of the progress made as a couple, the resilience demonstrated, and the bonds forged through adversity.
As the relationship evolves, these memories can become touchstones, showcasing the depth of the connection and serving as a testament to the growth and strength of the partnership.
It enhances love
While this may also seem paradoxical, arguing can actually enhance love within a relationship. When couples engage in respectful and constructive arguments, it reflects a deep level of investment and emotional connection.
By openly expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, partners are willing to engage in vulnerable and honest communication. This vulnerability allows for a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires, fostering empathy and compassion.
Through the process of working through arguments, couples can demonstrate patience, forgiveness, and compromise, which are fundamental aspects of love.
Sometimes it can be too much
While little arguments are okay, they can go wrong sometimes. So, it should be moderated arguments. Arguing can sometimes end a marriage. Hence, how should you, as a marriage partner, know when the argument is unfair?
Here are some situations:
When one partner talks more and listens less
In a healthy argument, both partners should be able to express their thoughts and feelings, giving equal importance to each person’s voice.
When one partner monopolizes the conversation, it can create an imbalance of power and hinder effective communication.
Active listening is crucial for understanding, empathy, and finding common ground. If one partner consistently dismisses or interrupts the other’s attempts to speak and be heard, it indicates a lack of fairness in the argument.
When a partner assaults another’s character
Attacking someone’s character involves making derogatory remarks, name-calling, or using hurtful language to demean or belittle the other person.
This behavior shifts the focus away from the original disagreement and creates an environment of hostility and emotional harm.
Phrases such as “You’re always so selfish,” “You’re just lazy and irresponsible,” or “You never consider anyone else’s feelings” are clear instances of character assault.
Fair arguments should center on the issue itself, allowing for respectful and constructive dialogue, rather than attacking one’s character or resorting to personal insults.
When a partner threatens to leave whenever an argument starts
This is another indication of an unfair argument. It is when one partner resorts to threatening to leave or using ultimatums to control or manipulate the situation.
Threatening to end the relationship or walking away whenever disagreements arise undermines the healthy resolution of conflicts. This behavior creates an atmosphere of fear, insecurity, and emotional instability, preventing open and honest communication.
It is vital for both partners to feel safe expressing their thoughts and concerns without the fear of abandonment or relationship dissolution. Fair arguments involve a commitment to working through challenges together, finding compromises, and seeking understanding.
When it gets physical
An argument immediately becomes unfair and crosses a significant boundary when it escalates to physical violence or aggression.
The threat of physical harm has no place in a healthy relationship. It is essential to prioritize safety and respect in all interactions.
Phrases or actions that depict this unfairness may include physically pushing or hitting the other person, throwing objects, or physically restraining them. Physical violence or aggression is unacceptable and should never be tolerated.
When one partner is self-centered.
When one partner consistently displays self-centered behavior, prioritizing their own needs and desires while disregarding the feelings and perspectives of the other person, it is unfair.
This self-centered approach prevents a fair and balanced discussion. Phrases such as “It’s all about what you want,” “I don’t care about your feelings,” or “You should just do what I say” is a sign of unfairness.
When one partner consistently puts their interests above the relationship’s well-being and dismisses the other’s input, it undermines the foundation of mutual respect and compromise.
If you find that your arguments are consistently unfair or causing distress in your relationship, it may be beneficial to seek professional guidance. Marriage counseling provides a supportive and neutral space for both partners to address and work through the challenges they may be facing.
A qualified and licensed therapist like Jousline can help you improve communication, develop effective conflict-resolution strategies, and strengthen the overall health of your relationship. Partner with Jousline today and get started on a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.