If someone asks you what the real premise of a happy married life is, you can say character, love, responsibility, authenticity, and competency. Why is communication so critical to having a long and satisfying relationship with the significant other? What is the job of communication in marriage? With all this in mind, here are some points that emphasize the importance of communication in marriage:

Without communication, no interest is implied to your partner

Ongoing changes in your partner’s life as years pass you by, a guarantee! If you do not know what is happening in your partner’s life or what issues they may be dealing with, you may not be able to understand or empathize. This would slowly lead to a lack of interest in each other’s lives and thus, strained relationships, therefore, it is important to have effective communication.

Better Understanding

Couples who frequently check-in and share, examine their lives, or talk regularly have a better understanding of each other and the bond they feel with each other. Once you understand your companion and the circumstances he or she may face, there would be a smaller extension for misunderstanding or uncertainty. You each know what those skills are. Do you have the right tools to practice checking in and sharing in authentic ways?

Better Marital Satisfaction

If you have opened the door to strong communication with your companion, you are bound to have a happy and serene relationship. Better communication implies better fulfillment in a relationship where you talk about everything between them and, in this way, smaller battles or quarrels.

Better Trust, Honesty, and Respect

Marriage is a two-way street, and you can’t just wait for everything without giving. This way, if you are direct with your partner and give and receive positive reviews or offer various issues with full trust, it helps you build better confidence in a relationship.

Better Connection

Communication is a way to express your feelings and feelings towards your companion. However, the connection is much more than communication. What makes a connection work or not is your attachment style. You bring your attachment style into your relationship from the time you date all the way to marriage and on. We understand that it is not essential to communicate in words of adoration and love you have for your life partner. However, being expressive and knowing how to share what is going on inside of you, or finding what is going on inside your spouse’s heart and soul, is probably the ideal way to express your feelings and thoughts towards your partner, which would lead to an authentic way of connecting. It is not about solutions it is about the experience.

Ordinary Mistakes Couples Make in a Marriage and How to Solve Them

Here are some common misconceptions that most of us usually take and how we can adequately address them:

More ‘Me’ than ‘We’ in a Marriage

When you get married, the relationship is for both of you. However, sometimes we may forget that, and marriage becomes more about you than about your spouse. For example, on your anniversary every year, you want your husband to make you feel special and take you out to dinner, you would only plan a holiday, you only consider places that you want to go. All this shows that your happiness or consent is more important than your partner’s. You need to include his needs and wants as well.

How to Resolve 

It is important that you consider your partner’s interests too. This would be possible when you communicate better with each other. Talk to your partner and know what they like or dislike, or what their idea of a vacation would be. Compromise is essential to a great relationship.

Shouting at The Spouse

Every relationship has its good and bad times, and these will no doubt take place. However, if your partner makes a mistake, no matter how unimportant or severe, it is not affirmative to shout or direct frightening feelings towards your partner. Words articulated from resentments regularly scar the other person’s emotions or feelings and may very well be more apparent when there is less or zero communication in a marriage.

How to Resolve 

Even if you have a valid point to get angry, don’t be. Make sure you subtly put across your point without creating any ill feelings or negativity. Wait until you let your anger pass, and then talk to your spouse about it. 

Do Not Compare or Compete

One of the silliest mistakes that married couples can make is comparing or competing with their spouse. You may gloat about your professional achievements or personal accomplishments with your spouse or talk about their failures or setbacks negatively. At no point should you demean your spouse, lack of communication can make them feel inferior, this is a partnership, everything the both of you do is equally important to the other.

How to Resolve

The first and foremost thing to understand is that even if you are doing separate jobs, you both are a single entity or bonded with love – this means your relationship is more important than anything else. Be encouraging if your spouse fails and be proud when your spouse excels. 

Different Ways of Effective Communication to Strengthen Your Marriage

You can have various types of communication with your spouse and strengthen the bond of your marriage. Here are some ways of communicating openly and honestly.

Informal Communication

You discuss everything that matters or other silly things that happened during the day. You laugh together and have a great time talking about some light-hearted aspects of life. This kind of communication helps in building a stronger bond with your spouse because you share fun and happy moments together.

Talk About Challenges

Every marriage has lows and highs, and it is important to discuss and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage with each other. Such conversations help the relationship to grow and also assist in making any important changes or decisions in life.

Life-giving Communication

This is a proactive kind of conversation that is not instigated due to some need or demand, unlike the communications mentioned above. These types of communications emphasize having insightful discussions that include; talking about your fears, desires, dreams, hopes, etc. These are very intimate conversations as it gives you glimpses of your spouse’s inner life, what matters to both of you.

Dos and Don’ts to Improve Your Communication in Marriage

Try and Be Specific

Whenever you wish to make a point, make sure you are specific about it. Don’t beat around the bush or talk about random things that are insignificant. Avoid generalizing by making statements like “You always say/do this”. Everyone makes mistakes in communication, but you have to pinpoint what is bothering you at the time.

Be Respectful

No matter what kind of conversation you and your spouse are having, it is important to be respectful towards it. By being a good listener, you show that you respect your partner. When you listen, your partner will do the same when you have to say something.

Do Not Nag or Taunt

No one likes getting picked on or nagged, and the same holds true for your spouse. You cannot keep making your partner guilty or responsible for his past mistakes whenever you wish to make a point. Your partner wants to feel loved and wanted, and every time you taunt your partner, it not only causes hurt and pain, but it also affects your relationship.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

You may get angry that your spouse did not pick up your call without even understanding or giving them a chance to explain why it happened. Talk to your spouse about what is bothering you regarding them and know the truth behind their side of the story.

Have Regular Conversations

No matter how busy you are or how much work you have to do, make sure you take out some time in a day to have some meaningful conversation with your spouse. It is very important to communicate with your spouse on a regular basis to keep the love flowing in the relationship. Even the most mundane conversations can help a relationship stay on track.

No Blame Games

Even if you are mad because your spouse did something wrong, it is not recommended to start playing the blame game. It is always better to put across a point subtly and politely rather than hitting the other person with all the blames. Generally speaking, you are both at fault, talk it out rather than point fingers.

Don’t rely on online talking

When you are away at work or away from home, chatting through a medium of online chatting is convenient to an extent, but it cannot substitute meaningful one-on-one conversations or phone conversations. Sometimes online modes of communication can lead to misunderstandings and confusions and may strain happy relationships.

Don’t Be Defensive

If your partner needs to bring out some complaints or issues against you, it is important to listen to them intently without being defensive about it. Make sure you listen and take effective measures to solve the issue rather than getting all defensive about the whole issue. It’s usually not just you, so try not to be on the defensive right away.

Be Tolerant

We all have different preferences, likes, or dislikes, and the same goes for two people who are married to each other. You may like watching cricket but your spouse loves tennis; be appreciative and tolerant of each other’s hobbies, choices, and other such aspects instead of complaining about them. Because when you become receptive, your partner will too.

Show Positive Feelings

Communication in marriage plays a much more vital role than we can fathom. It is important to open channels to have clear and meaningful communication with your spouse so that there are trust and understanding, which means a better relationship with your spouse. 

Importance of Eye-Contact

When you are talking to each other, make sure to make eye contact when telling the other person anything important to you. The power of the eyes is essential in good communication and a good connection. Many people/couples don’t know this. Including parents, make sure to go down to the level of your childrens’ eyes and talk to them. Eyes are the start of a good connection because it says many things and one of those things is that “you matter to me”, and more.

Some couples need to seek out counseling with a therapist to discuss their issues, Jousline Savra is a licensed marriage family therapist in Burbank, California, specializing in psychotherapy, marriage counseling, and is certified in brainspotting. As a psychotherapist, she has nearly 22 years of counseling experience helping couples and adult individuals to attain emotional stability, improve their relationships, enhance their communication and their emotional connection. In addition to her therapeutic work with couples, Jousline is highly experienced in helping adults improve the quality of their lives such as communicate effectively, focus on their growth and meet their interpersonal and professional goals. She is just a phone call away to start this journey with you, improve your communication skills, and get on the road to a better relationship.