When you’re looking to meet the right person, there are a wide variety of obstacles that you need to overcome. We have asked some experts for their tips to help people find the right person to build a loving, worthwhile, and healthy relationship.

Some common obstacles when looking for love

There’s no denying that single life has many perks, like being able to relax and enjoy your own company and have the freedom to pursue your interests and hobbies. 

Having said that many single people become frustrated when they’re ready to find someone to share their lives with. Many have erected barriers that prevent them from building worthwhile, loving, and lasting relationships 

One of the biggest barriers to finding your perfect romantic partner could be your own emotional baggage. For example, you may have grown up without the benefit of a solid role model, because of this, you may have no experience of healthy relationships and be skeptical about whether they even exist.

The experts we talked to want you to know that regardless of the obstacles that are in place, there is a path that you can follow that will help you find a loving, trusting, and healthy relationship. Here are some tips to help you.

Forget everything you believe to be true about relationships and dating 

Starting a new relationship with a clean slate is the easiest way to do this, spend time assessing many of the misconceptions you have about relationships.

Set realistic expectations 

When entering a romantic relationship in your pursuit of a long-term partner, first and foremost you must be clear on who you are, your value system, your needs, and overall your true identity. When you take some time to do this hard work and become clear on all of the above, then you will have a better path in looking for someone.

Much of these preconceived ideas are influenced by your early-life experiences, your family history, misinformation provided by your peers, social media, and even the ideals portrayed by Hollywood. Placing unrealistic expectations on prospective partners in any new relationship will instantly mean you start on a negative.

Focus on what is important 

Write what is most important to you in a partner and things you can compromise on. For example, wants should be negotiable, needs are not. We find needs are more important, these are qualities that last a lifetime such as respect, values, and ambitions.

Important dating tip #1: 

The first important tip they want to give you is to keep your important things in perspective, your pursuit of your perfect partner should not be the center of your life, remain focused on your friends and family and other relationships as well as your health and career. This will help you remain happy, and one of the first things you learn is that cheerful people attract others who feel the same. Don’t get tied up in first impressions, it takes a lot of time to truly get to know someone. Be honest from the start, there’s no need to hide your flaws as they will eventually come out.

Important dating tip #2 

Your primary goal should be to build genuine connections. Going on a first date can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences you can do in your life, as you do not know what it will be like. Try to forget about any social awkwardness or shyness you may have. There’s no need to be self-conscious as you should remember that the other person feels the same. Your goal is to form a real connection. The easiest way to do this is to put your attention on your date rather than your internal thoughts and feelings. 

Be curious about their opinions, stories, experiences, feelings, and thoughts. If you are and you met the right person, they’re going to find this a very attractive trait. Showing a genuine interest in someone cannot be faked, start by paying attention and really listening to them. You’ll learn how to interact and this will help you too quickly understand the person you’re talking to.

Important Dating Tip #3 

While some couples do meet in bars and dating sites, the most successful relationships I know started when people met in expanded social circles at events that they shared an interest in. By remaining focused on enjoying life and having fun, finding someone who shares your interests is much easier.

Important dating tip #4 

“No” is just a two-letter word, we give it far too much power in the English language. Of course, when you first hear it, it can hurt but it’s not something you should take personally it’s an effortful part of life including dating, staying positive, and staying honest. This will help you handle rejection and stop you from taking it personally. In the vast majority of cases, they base early rejections on superficial reasons, meaning you’ve probably saved yourself a lot of time and effort. Some people prefer brunettes to blondes, shorter people to slightly taller, louder people to quiet. Whatever the reason, they may not overcome these preconceived ideas. The problem isn’t yours, it’s the person you’re meeting, don’t beat yourself up, don’t dwell, it’s just a waste of time and energy. 

However, if this experience continues, reflect on yourself and see if there are some small things you can change. What’s most important is to always acknowledge how you feel, whether it’s sad, disappointed, resentful, or hurt, and don’t suppress these feelings.

Important dating tip #5 : 

  • Pay close attention to your feelings and learn to trust your instincts. If the person you’re with makes you feel undervalued, ashamed, or insecure, it’s time to look for a different healthy relationship.
  • For example, if you need to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol to communicate well, have sex, talk, or laugh with your partner, this is an unhealthy issue. 
  • If either partner in a relationship has an issue with commitment for whatever reason, this can lead to unstable relationships. 
  • If your partner becomes jealous about your outside interests such as spending time with your family or your friends, this isn’t a good sign and needs to be addressed. 
  • A lack of nonverbal communication is also a red flag. For example, if your partner prefers to spend time alone watching TV or constantly on their phone, this is an issue. 
  • Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is if one partner is looking to control the other and prevent them from having independent feelings and thoughts. 
  • If either person only expresses a physical interest in the other, this can lead to unhealthy interaction. While sex and physical attraction are important, you need to share more than the just physical interests of your relationship. Emotional needs also need to be met.

Important dating tip #6 : 

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. This is not something that develops overnight, you build a deep and meaningful connection with other people, you will trust each other to build a lasting, loving relationship. However, sometimes psychotherapy may be needed to help people who have been abused, traumatized, or betrayed in the past. Talking to a psychologist might be essential to help people form trusting and loving bonds with others. Being in a relationship with someone who’s dominated by fear of being let down or betrayed is always going to be a challenge.

Important dating tip #7 

If you’re lucky enough to find the right person, it’s important to remember that this is only the beginning of your life journey, not your destination. Relationships, especially loving and committed ones, need to be nurtured throughout a lifetime.

How to nurture a long-lasting, loving relationship? 

A leading psychotherapist who specializes in couple counseling has given me some insight into building long-lasting successful relationships:

Give it time 

You need to remain fully invested in your new relationship, the more time you spend together, the faster love will grow. Look for activities that interest you, but also try to enjoy your partner’s interests even if you’re having a bad day or you’re stressed. 

Keep lines of communication open 

Communication should never be understated, remember your partner cannot read your mind so you need to become very comfortable expressing your desires. This is only building a deeper and stronger bond with your partner.

Remain fair 

Differences and arguments are inevitable but if a conflict occurs, remain fair at all times. If you can’t express your feelings or issues without feeling degraded or humiliated, you may not be in the right relationship. 

Change is OK

Compromise is central to any successful relationship, the person you met five or 10 years ago will not remain the same. Be open to change and accept that any healthy relationship is going to make you a more generous, kind person.

An expert in psychotherapy and relationships, Jousline Savra agrees we are not designed to live in isolation to be happy in life, and we need to form meaningful connections. She helps couples learn practical and effective ways of communicating with each other based on their attachment styles. Her main focus is on relationships, authentic marital connection, and any emotional and relational obstacles in life that are preventing you from living your full potential. Jousline has more than 22 years of counseling experience in Burbank, California helping couples attain emotional stability and improving their relationships. Call her today, she is ready to start this journey with you.