What Tough Times and Marriage Counseling Truly Reveal About Couples
The people who make it through the hardest times in their marriage are the ones who grow the most. Living through difficult times does not make you who you are; it reveals who you are.
When you go through hard times, you discover valuable lessons about your character. What kind of person you can become and what type of person you want to become is revealed.
The true values that are important to you are discovered. As a result, you gain a deeper understanding of your motivations and beliefs. By doing so, you can clarify what matters to you and what does not.
Consequently, you can discover your true potential. You become aware of your true value. After all of this, you come out of it with a radically different look from what you used to have. However, the kind of person you were all along is unchanged.
Growth and healing occur only when we have a greater understanding of our partner and ourselves.
Marriage Is A Two-Way Street
You get married to learn something about yourself, and your partner will learn something about you. It’s normal to go through hard times in any relationship, but how you handle those tough times says a lot about you.
Going through hard times together can also teach you a lot about each other. Under pressure and most often with proper communication, couples can learn to rely more on each other. Together, you learn to depend on one another, you grow in trust for one another.
So, going through hard times together can be extremely painful, but afterward, you can become stronger, better, and closer as a married couple. However, this takes effort from both parties to be willing to be receptive to one another and expressive of themselves.
What Marriage Can Teach You About Yourself
Marriage, like everything else, is a work in progress. The thrill of falling in love, the giddiness of finding your soul mate, and the joy of shared life experiences might seem to last forever. But there is the opposite side of the coin. The challenges you face, the ups and downs, the compromises and disagreements, the struggles and temptations, the fights and forgiveness, the arguments and reconciliations all teach you something.
If you’re married, here are a few things you will learn about yourself.
How You Handle Stress
Is your voice one of calm and reason during stressful times, or are you highly vulnerable to stress?
Since marriage can (at times) be very stressful, it helps you discover how you cope with stress. To treat it as a learning experience is the best thing you can do. Please take advantage of it to reduce stress and determine what changes you need to make to your lifestyle to cope more effectively.
How You Communicate With Your Partner
Communication is good when you can freely share opinions, feelings, and needs with your partner, and you both feel heard and understood. When poor communication occurs, one or both partners may feel shut out or misunderstood.
Couples may argue over unimportant things or bring up topics that one party should have discussed beforehand. If either of you feels attacked, dismissed, or controlled, the other person may feel the same. So, if either of you experiences this, it’s time to stop and examine what’s going on.
Poor communication often stems from unresolved issues or from feeling unheard. So, if either of you feels like the other is not listening to you or is being dismissive, talk it through. Marriage counseling can help facilitate this process.
Your “personal space” needs
People are different. Some people need more alone time than others, and some people need more personal space than others. Most people don’t realize just how much alone time they need until they get married.
It’s usually at that point when they start to realize that their partner has needs too and that their partner’s needs may conflict with their own. If you’re constantly feeling like you need more personal space, you’re probably just exhausted.
And if you’re exhausted, you probably need to give your body some personal space. Take a break. Go for a walk. Meditate. Do something, anything, to get your mind off things and redirect your energies.
On the other hand, those couples who are disconnected or distant physically or emotionally, likely don’t need as much personal space. These couples are often so wrapped up in their own worlds that they don’t notice their partner’s needs. Or, they assume their partner is aware of their needs and act accordingly. Which can result in added conflict.
Communicating your needs to your spouse and setting boundaries is easier if you know how much space you need. Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your spouse.
Can Marriage Counseling Help Reveal Your True Self?
Marriage counseling can be helpful in revealing yourself to your partner. A therapist can help you and your partner understand how you each think and feel about certain issues. This can help give you insight into what the other is thinking and feeling. Therapy can also help you learn how your tendencies affect your partner.
What you learn about yourself after experiencing difficulties, challenges, and disagreements in your marriage is truly an amazing thing. The struggle really teaches you more about yourself than perhaps any success or achievement could.
Marriage is a work in progress. While many may view marriage as a lifelong contract, the reality is that marriage is a lifelong journey. The challenges, conflicts, and misunderstandings that we encounter along the way are part and parcel of this lifelong journey.
The challenges you face are oftentimes the first steps you take towards self-discovery. It doesn’t have to be a life-altering event, but it can be just what you need to take the next step in your personal life, as well as strengthen your relationship.
Licensed Marriage Therapist, Jousline Savra, can help Burbank Toluca Lake couples who are having communication problems. With over 22 years of experience helping couples improve their communication and emotional connection, she specializes in marriage counseling and relationships. Give her a call today to start your journey.